Just Married: Newlyweds & Money

Thought it might be helpful to frame up

my beliefs on money

& marriage before we dive in:

• Dating/engaged couples should not combine finances

• Married couples should combine finances

• Money CAN bring couples closer together & be a positive subject

Now, some of this may be controversial, I get it. Why do I believe these things? Let’s get to that part before we get to the nuts and bolts of it all. (Side note: I generally hate the word “should” but I stand by it in this context).

People who are dating or engaged should wait until they’re married to join their finances. There are legal risks involved when your finances are combined and you are unmarried. There are laws in place to protect you once you are married (check if your state has: common law property or community law property) that you don’t have if you are dating or engaged. So, in a word, the reason is: risk.

Married couples should combine finances. I believe that two become one after marriage. It’s really difficult to become one when you are living separate financial lives. Here are some of the things I’ve seen when working with clients: they feel like roommates splitting all the bills, sometimes there’s not full transparency into being able to view each other’s accounts & spending, lack of trust, and lack of communication around spending decisions. Now, sometimes people come into a marriage with financial wounds from a previous relationship or how they grew up. They may need time to establish trust & security. If you fall into this category, I recommend pairing with a financial coach and/or therapist to take baby steps towards combining finances.

Money does not have to be a source of tension in your marriage. I truly believe (and have experienced!) that managing money & working on your goals together can be energizing and exciting. This is what I help couples do in financial coaching sessions. Sure, there’s the budget, the numbers, and the facts. But the most impactful transformation I see is relational.

What should we be working on together before we get married?

Glad you asked. Here’s a good starting place:

1. Each create your own budget (two of my faves are EveryDollar & YNAB) and hold each other accountable.

2. Hold biweekly Budget Meetings. There, you can go over the 3 D’s:

   1. Dollars: Is your spending going according to plan? What adjustments could be made? Is your budgeting up to date?

   2. Discuss: What do each of you define as a big purchase? How did you relate to money growing up? Once married, who will create the budget and who will pay bills?

   3. Dream: What are our goals once we are married? What kind of impact do we want to have on our family and on others?

We’re married, now what?

Yay! Here’s a checklist for you lovebirds:

1. If you’re changing your last name, grab your marriage certificate, get your name changed at the Social Security Administration, then the DMV

2. Open 1 joint checking + 1 joint savings

3. Do not close your old accounts until you:

   1. Stop all autopays (look through your last bank statement to be sure) including non-monthly autopays (could be Amazon Prime or any other once yearly/quarterly/bimonthly charges)

   2. Change your direct deposit for your paychecks

4. Transfer all spending money to joint checking

5. Transfer all saved money to joint savings

6. Create 1 budget for your new checking account, See section above “What should we be working on together before we get married?”

   1. Decide who will be responsible for creating new budgets/paying bills. Will one person take the lead on this, or will you divide & conquer?

7. Hold a budget meeting once per week, and keep it brief & sustainable

8. If you’re having trouble creating this budget, communicating, or creating new habits, reach out for help!

Congratulations - my hope is that you can steward money well as a team!